Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
