in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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