That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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