Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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