Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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