There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
