He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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