Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
