i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
