please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
