I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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