my vag is so smooth its legendary
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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