I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
