I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
