i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
