i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
