So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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