I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
