there's paper in my vomit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
