I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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