Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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