You just made me feel so damn special
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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