wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
