....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
is it fun? or sober?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
