I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
