So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
