I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
