Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
