Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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