i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
