God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Randomize
