We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
