Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
