One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
