For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
