He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
