You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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