somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
