is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
