Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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