I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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