I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You are a genius and a whore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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