The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
