Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
