I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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