i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
