I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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