Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
