his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
