Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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